Good Morning my beautiful fun loving ladies. Hope everyone is enjoying sunshine and downtime this summer. Something near and dear to my heart is the topic of black sheep of the family. Being on the crappy end of that myself has prompted me to do some research to help my little family of 4 overcome the feelings of defeat. We are hardworking, we are successful, and I used to have people pleasing tendencies…..so you would think we have the world by the buttocks but not quite when the feelings arise knowing you are the one that your family really doesn’t want much to with. I truly believe that being from a split family is never good for at least on child to feel like they don’t matter. I also feel like if you do well for yourself someone somewhere is irritated with you as well.
How does a person know if they are the black sheep?
No. 1: You have always been considered different by your relatives. Different is not always bad. Many close-knit extended families have a cocoon you’re supposed to fall in. You need to do everything their way and don’t venture into foreign ideas, or you will be considered out of line. I clawed my way to the top in my small-town career. My husband clawed his way into a profitable self-employed business. My kids are amazingly smart and athletic. We have everything we need and much of what we want. That doesn’t settle well with the extended family dynamics.
No. 2: Frequent criticism or judgement. Family judging your every move because you aren’t fitting in the small-town box. When you are doing well for yourself it is almost like people are angry you are doing better than them. Shame on me for trying my best to make sure my children feel equal. Shame on my hubby for quitting his 9-5 and venturing out on his own. Shame on decisions that we have made when they all make our lives better each and every step of the way, but we are supposed to fit in that box and stay in our lane instead of succeeding in life.
No. 3: Exclusion or isolation. Not being invited to family gatherings. Being excluded from everything unless you are needed. These bring up feelings of loneliness and anger. Our little family is all that we need when it comes to knowing we are doing what we need to do to be happy, successful, and raise good humans. It is a constant battle of I know we are doing well, and I wish others could be happy for that, on the other hand we don’t need anyone to be happy for our journey because it is ours alone.
No. 4: Different Value and beliefs. When you are a determined individual to conquer your goals in life and others don’t see life the same there is a clash. If others don’t want to see the same end results and don’t instill the same values, then there is liable to be some resistance and distance.
No. 5: Trauma or abuse. Sometimes the black sheep is from some kind of trauma. Maybe you were the offspring of a really bad marriage/ relationship and spending time with you brings back bad memories for your parent. Maybe you were neglected and/or made to do things in your childhood that make you resent your parents.
No. 6: Seeking support. When family dynamics don’t allow for you to speak freely, sometimes you need to seek support elsewhere. Every situation is different, we are fortunate to have each other to discuss and support each other but if other black sheep aren’t’ as lucky, then counseling may be the best option.
No. 7: Embrace your true self. Your self acceptance journey can be empowering. Embrace your true self and your uniqueness and in time you will realize that you are an amazing human and there is only one of you in this entire world. You only need to accept your own strengths, weaknesses, quirks, beliefs, and values. If you are happy with yourself then no one else’s opinions or judgements matter.
Phew! My research on black sheep was so enlightening for me. For so many years as we became more successful, and the family judging was getting more frequent I couldn’t understand what was happening, but these 7 bullets just helped put me a bit more at ease on the entire issue. Small town folks like things to fit in a box, when you go out of that box there is resistance. Being the sibling that is from another marriage that was an abusive one sheds light on where some resentment may have settled in. Being the most successful sibling that doesn’t ask for help and never cries about what life hands out doesn’t settle well either.
At the end of the day if you are happy with yourself and happy with your decisions in this world then make peace with that and realize that the only person who needs to accept you is YOU. Make a conscious effort to realize that the way others treat you has way more to do with their own demons than it does with the decisions you make in life.
May you be at peace and live life to it’s fullest each and every day beautiful soul.
When you are the black sheep of the family. Everyone has them. My beautiful soul of a husband is that person. He works his butt off and always has since idk 13 years old maybe even younger. Bloods sweat and tears has gone into everything that man has in his life. He is not perfect, no one is. But geez does a person get pooped on when they do well for themself.