If you are a momma, then today is for you! Have you every wished that a certain stage would end? The terrible 2s, the terrifying 3s, the guessing games of what is wrong with your little one, the endless comparison, the first sleep over….all the things that make our mom heart stress. Each age comes with new stresses unfortunately.
I became a Momma 16 years ago to the most beautiful boy who came into this world with a cleft lip. I remember so many people asking me when I was pregnant if I was scared, if I was sad, nervous and all the things. My answer was absolutely always NO, I knew in my mom gut that it would be cosmetic and would never change my love for his beautiful little face. We rose above the surgeries and the difficult task of feeding afterwards but it helped me embrace the parts of life that have nothing to do with the view on the outside.
Every household looks different when it comes to raising our kids but what has always remained true in my house is that I had kids because I wanted all the things that came with parenting. The good stuff, the giggles, the memories, the firsts, the temper tantrums, the screaming…..every single bit of it I have never threw my hands up and gave up on creating the best teenagers I can have. Hiccups are always present whether that is raising kids, marriages, or your job….it is part of life and we need to embrace every bit of it.
How can you be the best parent you desire to be for the benefit of your children you wonder?
No. 1: Realize you will make mistakes. No one…..Not one single person on this planet is perfect. Parenting is hard but rewarding when done with correctly and with love. It can be such a valuable lesson for our littles when a parent owns up to their mistakes. We will never get this raising kids thing right 100% of the time for their entire 18 years, but when we can admit when we didn’t do something correctly or that we are proud of, it shows the children that mistakes happen and owning up to them is half of life’s battle.
No. 2: Create a good environment. It is crucial that our children are raised in a healthy environment at home because the things they see in this world are hard enough. Having home be a safe space, a loving space, and a nurturing peace will allow them to flourish when they spread their wings at 18. Show your kids you love them with hugs and conversation daily, always say I love you and truly mean it so their hearts are a little fuller each day. Listen to the kids when they have things to tell you even if they are small because if you don’t then they will stop telling you about their lives. Let their individuality shine even when it might not look exactly like what you would chose to do in your days. Patience during those hard times, even though if it difficult, will have you apologizing later on….practice the pause before you respond when they have you frustrated.
No. 3: Boundaries, expectations, rules. No one likes them growing up and it can be exhausting as a parent but I promise you that they are all worth it. When your children know what is expected of them on a daily basis and you are consistent with your requests, they will get it, they will abide by the home rules and expectations, and they will honestly be happier for it in the end. I started the whole time-out game as soon as my kids could walk because the sooner they know right from wrong, the easier it will be when they get that mind of their own and try to buck the system. If you give in or wait until they are 2.5 or 3 they more than likely already have adopted a head strong attitude which can make parenting extremely challenging. You need to stay consistent Mom…..if you give in today then they know all they have to do is throw a fit tomorrow for a little longer and you will give them their way again. I have never been embarrassed in a store or restaurant (well once in a restaurant because I interrupted nap time….I will own that mom fail) because my children knew from a very young age what was expected of them no matter where we were.
No. 4: Bond building. Our littles go through some big changes in their growing stages. There are times I don’t get a ton of conversation from my 16 year old, which had me head scratching at one point, but I realize that he is getting older and his personality is the type that isn’t share your whole life story, which is ok. I make sure to keep that communication flowing with how was your day, anything exciting happen, how are your buds kind of thing daily. I try every day to be role model for the kids, not just my own, in how I speak to people with kindness, respect, and judge free. When my children do well or achieve something they worked hard on we celebrate and acknowledge their hard work and dedication. As always, when you mess up, be a role model and apologize, which will allow your children to see that even mom isn’t perfect even though they think she is a super hero in their really young ages.
No. 5: Date Night. Make sure you take time for you whether that looks like a date night with your spouse or friends…..you need the break, and it is good for your kids to spend time with other people as well. The time away allows you time to think, to regroup, and to let your mind rest which will let your intuition kick in. Time away gives you the space to get tips and tricks from other moms and to give you the breathing room to learn patience and forgiveness as well.
No. 6: Roll with the ages. In my opinion each stage of growth comes with a different level of parenting. Time out works in the early years but not great in the older years. Taking the favorites toys when they just aren’t following the rules of the home work well up until maybe 10. In my house no tv time, no friend time, and no phone calls helped until about 13. Now my biggest asset is the almighty cell phone…..how in the world those bad boys are so addciting is beyond me, but rules broken mean mom gets the phone for a specified period of time. You have to be flexible in the way you parent as these little are growing to adult hood and remember that your job is to create a great addition to society, not to be their friend or liked many times.
I hope these tips help a little and please, please, please know that if you stay firm, fair, and consistent in parenting you will truly enjoy your children more. I know it can break a mom’s heart when their kids are sad and angry with you. However, you are also embarrassed in public from kids acting out and not able to enjoy your moments and memories with your children. If you do the hard work at home, I promised you will have more enjoyable moments and want to do more as a family because you will be acknowledged for how well your children behave ad respect others.
I’d love to chat and help any momma out if you are having a tough time with what is working and what isn’t. I love helping kids thrive and mom’s smile!